One Word: Looking Back

A friend of mine posted that she sums up her year with one word and looks ahead at the next year and chooses a word to describe her desire for it.  My initial thought was, "I can't begin to sum up 2010 in just one word!" and closed her post.  The thoughts about what my word would be kept coming back to me all day long and finally a word came to mind that I believe truly represents 2010 for me:  compassion.

Why compassion?

It was a few years ago, and I don't remember the situation-- but one of my sister's and I were having a conversation and she made the comment to me "you're not a very compassionate person." I remember her saying that, and me thinking "I'm not?  Oh, hmm... I guess I'm not" and then going on.  Really, she was right.  I've realized over the last couple years that I'm a black and white thinker.  I believe that THIS is the right way to go and if you don't do that-- you're wrong.  If you're doing it wrong, you get what you get.  Justice. 

What changed?

It was late in 2009, that I felt a pressing need to pray for God to take control of my heart.  I really wanted him to break my heart for what breaks his.  I don't know why I felt compelled to pray this prayer, but I did.  It was one year ago today that I felt like I had a life change.  Before this past year, I had two people I knew and loved pass away: both of my grandfather's.  Yes, I loved them-- but their deaths were kind of easy to take.  (I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth)  I cried and was sad, but I felt like--- they were my grandfather's, they were old, it was time. 

And then that day in December came.  Josh & I had just celebrated our 8th anniversary the night before.  I had to take Bubba to the doctor for one of his well baby check ups.  I get to the doctor's office and they inform me that the doctor couldn't be there today and needed to reschedule.  I get in the car to call my hubby to let him know we didn't get to go to the doctor, but I was going to run some errands.  He told me I needed to come home.  He asked me if I was still parked, and I knew he was about to tell me something bad.  I believe I said "Just tell me, now!" 

He informed me that a very dear friend and mentor had passed away in the wee hours of the morning.  At that moment, my heart broke.  I felt it.  I felt compassion over take me for his wife, his children, for all of us who were now left without someone who had been such a faithful person in our lives. 

God has taught me a lot this year.  Through his death, I have learned to pray for other people in a way I never knew before.  I knew prayer was what they needed most, and that I could do for them.  It's strange to say, but seeing their hurt and hurting for them--- helped open my eyes to others around me who were hurting. 

Since then, God has introduced me to blogs that talk about the terrible living conditions in Haiti, the mistreatment of orphans in Eastern Europe, terrible things I never knew existed.  Compassion.  It's taken over my heart.  I find myself seeing someone and without knowing anything about them-- feeling an urgency to pray for them right then and there.  I can't say I ever felt that before 2010.

I sit here one year later and can't help but be thankful.  Thankful that God has helped me to be compassionate for other people.  Thankful that he has urged my family to make a difference to those hurting, even if only in prayer.

 I also know that I am totally not where God wants me to be yet when it comes to compassion.  And that is what I look forward to in the next year.  I look forward to growing. 

More on my desires for 2011 later...